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ParodyEverything here is made up. No payments are taken, no barrels exist, and nothing is ever delivered — that is the entire premise.
Barrel Never Pumps22 origins · 156 grades

Privacy

Almost nothing leaves your browser

There is no server and no database, so your cart, your address and your card never travel anywhere. The single exception is Google Analytics, which counts visits and is described in full below.

The short version

There is no backend. The whole site is static files plus a script that runs entirely on your machine, so your cart, your address and your card have no endpoint to travel to. The shop itself sends nothing anywhere and sells nothing to anyone.

The one thing that does leave your browser is Google Analytics, which counts visits. It is the only third party on the site and the only thing here that can set a cookie — and only if you say yes. It is described in full under Cookies and analytics below.

What is stored in your browser

Your cart and progress are kept in localStorage under the key bnp.shop.v1, so the shop remembers where you were:

cart
The barrels currently in your cart, with quantities
orders
Orders you have "placed", including the fictional diversion
visitedRegions
One origin stamp per desk you have taken a barrel from
badges
Badges earned
delayStreak
How many orders in a row have failed to arrive
paymentMethod
Which of the three ways to not pay you picked
physicalMode
Whether the drum mode boolean is on
totalBarrels
A running total of barrels in flight

That is the shop's own record. One separate entry sits beside it: bnp.consent.v1, which holds your Analytics answer once you have given one. Until then it does not exist, which is how the banner knows to ask.

What is never stored

  • Your delivery address. It is read from the form, used to name a destination in the confirmation, and discarded. It is never written to storage and never attached to a saved order. You never need to enter a real one, because nothing is going anywhere.
  • Your card number. Only a receipt line such as Visa ···· 4242 is recorded, and only because the test cards are published. See below.
  • Anything typed into the contact form. It is cleared on submit and sent nowhere.

About the card fields

The checkout card form is deliberately incapable of holding a real card. It accepts only the 13 published industry test numbers, checks a Luhn checksum, and refuses anything else with a plain explanation rather than failing quietly. A real card number fails the allowlist and never reaches storage.

The fields carry autocomplete="off" so your browser is not invited to autofill a saved card. Nothing you type into them is transmitted anywhere, and there is no payment code anywhere in this project.

Cookies and analytics

The shop sets no cookies of its own and calls no server. The one exception is Google Analytics 4, loaded on every page from googletagmanager.com. It arrives switched off: until you answer the banner it runs without cookies and keeps no identifier, so Google gets an anonymous page view and nothing that points back at you. Accept, and it sets first-party cookies named _ga and _ga_<container>, with a two-year default lifetime and a random id used to tell a returning visitor from a new one.

Once accepted, Google receives the page URL, that random identifier, and the technical detail your browser volunteers with any request — screen size, language and an approximate location derived from your IP address. Your cart, the address you type, the card you pick and your stamps and badges are not sent: they live in localStorage and are never reported.

Turning it off, or changing your mind

  • The direct answer is the banner. Declining costs you nothing and takes effect at once: no new cookie is written, and Analytics stops reading the ones it already has. Clearing site data removes those stored files as well.
  • To reverse an answer you already gave, clear site data for this domain. The choice lives in bnp.consent.v1 and the banner simply asks again.
  • Block googletagmanager.com and google-analytics.com in your browser, or use any content blocker. The shop is unaffected, because nothing on it waits for the tag.
  • Install Google's opt-out browser add-on, which opts you out of Analytics everywhere rather than just here.

There is no advertising, no tracking pixel and no social widget on the site, and apart from the Analytics tag no font, style or script is loaded from anyone else's server.

How to delete everything

Press Reset cart, stamps and badges at the bottom of the cart drawer, which clears the shop's stored record. That button deliberately leaves your Analytics answer and its cookies alone. Clearing site data for this domain in your browser settings removes every trace — the shop's record, the consent choice and the cookies — as does a private window when you close it.

This site is a parody and is not a shop. Prices are invented, orders are not contracts, and no goods exist. Free delivery is claimed over $50, which is not a real threshold because there is no delivery.

Last reviewed 4 October 2026 — Google Analytics only, no advertising, no other third parties

Delivery confirmed

Your barrels will be received in full by—

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Paid with test card · orderBNP-000000

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Thank you! We have charged$0.00and dispatched0barrels. Estimated arrival:pending.

Delivery destination

Long-standing rival of —

—

—

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Delivery record

  1. ✓ Payment authorised
  2. ✓ Order packed at origin
  3. ✓ Loaded at the terminal
  4. ✓ In transit — rerouted
  5. ✓ Out for delivery — wrong city
  6. ✓ Delivered and signed for by your rival

Delivering to—

0 containers booked ·card

While you wait — the checklist

The honest bit, as always: this payment was simulated, no card was charged, and no barrels are going anywhere. The city above is real, the rivalry is a real one, and the ministry that seized your shipment does not exist.