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ParodyEverything here is made up. No payments are taken, no barrels exist, and nothing is ever delivered — that is the entire premise.
Keeping the lights on is also harder than it looks — visit our friends at Grid Never Connects
Barrel Never Pumps22 origins · 156 grades

Privacy

We collect nothing, because there is nowhere to send it

This site has no server, no database, no analytics and no third parties. Everything described below lives in your own browser and nowhere else.

The short version

There is no backend. The whole site is static files plus a script that runs entirely on your machine, so there is no endpoint that could receive your data even if we wanted it. Nothing is transmitted, logged, aggregated or sold.

What is stored in your browser

Your cart and progress are kept in localStorageunder the key bnp.shop.v1, so the shop remembers where you were:

cart
The barrels currently in your cart, with quantities
orders
Orders you have "placed", including the fictional diversion
visitedRegions
One origin stamp per desk you have taken a barrel from
badges
Badges earned
delayStreak
How many orders in a row have failed to arrive
paymentMethod
Which of the three ways to not pay you picked
physicalMode
Whether the drum mode boolean is on
totalBarrels
A running total of barrels in flight

What is never stored

  • Your delivery address. It is read from the form, used to name a destination in the confirmation, and discarded. It is never written to storage and never attached to a saved order. You never need to enter a real one, because nothing is going anywhere.
  • Your card number. Only a receipt line such asVisa ···· 4242 is recorded, and only because the test cards are published. See below.
  • Anything typed into the contact form. It is cleared on submit and sent nowhere.

About the card fields

The checkout card form is deliberately incapable of holding a real card. It accepts only the 13 published industry test numbers, checks a Luhn checksum, and refuses anything else with a plain explanation rather than failing quietly. A real card number fails the allowlist and never reaches storage.

The fields carry autocomplete="off"so your browser is not invited to autofill a saved card. Nothing is transmitted, and there is no payment code anywhere in this project.

Cookies, analytics, third parties

None. No cookies. No analytics. No fonts, scripts or images loaded from anyone else's server. The page makes no network requests after it loads.

How to delete everything

Press Reset cart, stamps and badges at the bottom of the cart drawer, which clears the whole stored record. Clearing site data for this domain in your browser settings does the same thing, as does a private window when you close it.

This site is a parody and is not a shop. Prices are invented, orders are not contracts, and no goods exist. Free delivery is claimed over $50, which is not a real threshold because there is no delivery.

Delivery confirmed

Your barrels will be received in full by—

—

—

Paid with test card · orderBNP-000000

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Thank you! We have charged$0.00and dispatched0barrels. Estimated arrival:pending.

Delivery destination

Long-standing rival of —

—

—

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Delivery record

  1. ✓ Payment authorised
  2. ✓ Order packed at origin
  3. ✓ Loaded at the terminal
  4. ✓ In transit — rerouted
  5. ✓ Out for delivery — wrong city
  6. ✓ Delivered and signed for by your rival

Delivering to—

0 containers booked ·card

While you wait — the checklist

The honest bit, as always: this payment was simulated, no card was charged, and no barrels are going anywhere. The city above is real, the rivalry is a real one, and the ministry that seized your shipment does not exist.